There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
