She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
