I CAN MOONWALK!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
