Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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