id be glad to
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
