Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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