i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
