so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
