Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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