Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
