I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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