Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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