Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
