Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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