well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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