As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
