I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
