I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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