my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
