Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
