if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
