I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
