just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
