If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
