I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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