so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
