I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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