if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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