Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
