Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
