I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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