i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
