hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize