The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
