oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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