Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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