I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
