man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
