Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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