just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
