Moan for me like Helen Keller
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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