shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
