I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
