guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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