i need an iv and a liver transplant
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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