so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
