ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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