i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
