It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
