Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
