i don't like sucking hair
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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