i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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