Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
