he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love having hate sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
