dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.