Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say