i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants