those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
