what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I want is dick and wine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
