was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
