I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have fence marks all over my body
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
