you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
