last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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