I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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