I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
