I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
