Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
