i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
