Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
two words: eviction party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
