Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
