I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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