you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
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This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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