i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
