talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
