I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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