So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
